Write like me!

...Diet Soap is now accepting applications for a one-time only writing seminar lead by the incomparable Olive Duster herself. Spots are limited so apply now (applicants must be over 18 years old and own a minimum of three (3) leather garments (jackets do not count).)

Here is just a brief glimpse at what you might learn at the ...Diet Soap Writer's Paradise is Blind Workshop:

1) How to write like Olive. Learn all of Olive's various blogging formats, such as this classic:

Fact, fact, fact, fact, could be a fact, hard to tell, probably not a fact, but I'm still not sure, oh, I see, definitely not a fact, outright lie, sarcastic quip, self or other deprecating comment, usually about fake hand, drunk mother, or shitty friends.

2) How to write a diary entry using the Mad OLibs method, for example:

Dear Diary, Can you believe (name of family member or shitty friend or stranger) actually (verb-past tense) that poor (name of animal, piece of furniture, beverage) in the elevator. What an (asshole). I hope that (he, she, it) dies (soon, a slow painful death, in a horrible warehouse fire). Yours humbly, (Your name, pseudonym if you don't want your diary to know your true identity).

3) How to trick wealthy alcoholics into letting you "borrow" their credit card.

4) Learn to put on your own bullshit seminar and charge through the nose for it.

Comments anyone? Leave comments! I thrive on your love.

Olive's Paid Assistant