Move over, Nelson Brothers

...Diet Soap snagged an exclusive interview with legendary rock group Glass Tiger at their headquarters in Newmarket, Ontario last week. While most music fans could sing the entire A-side of The Thin Red Line from memory, insiders at The Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame tell ...Diet Soap that it is the group's third album, Simple Mission, that has the rockers on the short list for playing one of the 6 after parties planned for this year's inductees.

DS: Alan (Alan Frew, vocals), first of all, let me gush. Rescued (By the Arms of Love) has my vote for best power ballad - ever!!!

AF: Yeah, it's funny. My songs are like my children. Once they're out there in the world, you never know how they're going to touch other people's lives. Is that a metal hand?

DS: Oh... uh...

AF: You know [unbuttoning top button of his Hawaiian shirt revealing tufts of thick gray chest hair and gold chain], we had planned for our fourth album to be a concept album all about how technology would blend with biology in the future. The working title was actually Metal Heart. Then Cat Power did a song by the same title on Moon Pix so that pretty much killed the project. And now you hear what Bill Gates has to say on the subject and it really makes you think.

DS: What are the boys up to now?

AF: Well, we just reunited and our next project is really exciting. You know, there are only 4 full-service car washes in the Newmarket area. But none of them offer an underbody rust-proof power wash - that is, until now. That's all I can say until plans are more definite, but let's just say we're set to open our car wash next month.

DS: Any other plans - for the band, I mean?

AF: Well, it's too soon to announce anything, but we're considering a "Free Wax Wednesday" and a "Thirsty Thursday", you know, a free 32 ounce Mega Gulp with a fill-up and a car wash so check out the website and come on down.

DS: Michael (Michael Hanson, original drummer) left the band in 1988. How has that affected...

AF: SHUT IT!!! SHUT YOUR HOLE!!! JUST SHUT IT!!!

[Alan leaves in a huff, slamming the door behind him.]

Then nothingness... Then the gurgling of a coffee pot... Then... I awake. It was all a dream... or was it?

[Camera pulls back to reveal Olive lying in bed, an empty Mega Gulp in one hand and feathers from an Indian Chief's headdress in the other hand - the metal one.]